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[Saturday
July 21st, 2007 at 3:39am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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6 months eh?
Well, I'll write about that later, as that's not the reason I'm here.
It's 3:39 am, I'm wide awake, and I just spent the last our bawling to a Disney movie. Highly hormonal, no idea why.
Usually I'd ramble on about some angsty "no one understands me" garbage, but there's none of that now. Simply emotional for no reason and I can't stop crying and I can't sleep. It's ridiculous.
And that would be the end of this entry. Just wanted to note that all.
*Edit*
I must be massively sleep deprived, I had to go through and correct 8 typos after I posted. And I never make typos.
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| New Years |
[Wednesday
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:10am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
In a drunken stupor I mumbled something about my New Years resolution being to take more risks, and then jumped into a below 40 degrees pool.
Finally bought a disposable camera since I still haven't gotten a new digi, so I'll finally have some recent pictures.
Got called into work on New Years day, where the boss yelled at me and the bf. We came home, got high and barred out and slept all day. Our boss is a walking anxiety attack, spreading his bad nerves like the bird flu.
I guess I should do the New Years resolution thing...
Let's start off the list with the cliche crap....eat healthier, work out more, stop biting my nails, be a better person.
Dance every day. It makes me feel good.
Get a new warddrobe. If I buy one item of clothing per week it won't be hard on my finances. I need to stop dressing like I'm in high school.
Take a class at Crealde. They're affordable and one of the best art schools in the area.
Get an apartment with the boyfriend. We're already in the process. Just trying to find a place that doesn't have a bug infestation issue, and allows pets.
Go on a vacation. We've yet to go on one together and it's been over 2 years.
Now the main thing I need to put here is school. I need to go to school. Somehow I've managed to be enrolled in college for 3 years, and still not have a single credit. Now that I actually want to go, and I'll be paying for it, I'll actually stick with it for more than 2 weeks. I just need to figure out a major, I've changed it 3 times already.
First it was computer graphics, but that turned out to be something I didn't like.
Then, an EMS. But somewhere along the line the sight of blood made me twitch badly.
Then, some field in psychology. But it costs so much and takes so long.
Things I'm interested in (these are here to remind me):
Religion (the study of it, not practicing it myself)
Psychology (of the neuro field, not clinical)
Philosophy
Art
Wish me good luck on finding an actual career that encompasses all of those things.
An artistic philosophical theologian with a PhD in neuropsychology? I'll be done with school in no less than 30 years.
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[Saturday
December 30th, 2006 at 5:47pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
Brandon is such a doll. After that whole mess yesterday he came up to work and brought me some xanax, which I desperately needed. Also, I've decided to go on a diet. At first I was thinking, Ok, I just won't eat anything for a few days and workout a lot. But I get hungry, and not eating leaves me constantly tired. So instead, I'm eating chicken salads and doing an hour of ab related exercises. I actually feel slightly more energized now.
So he went to lunch today and brought me back a giant chicken salad and some smoothie called the "Lean Machine". He's sweet. I think I'm going to try and cook him breakfast tomorrow morning, and hopefully no one will get food poisoning this time.
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| Enough |
[Friday
December 29th, 2006 at 4:13pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
I hate this house, it's constant muffled yelling and cursing and doors slamming and me sitting on the floor shaking and crying. When you're under 18 they have places you can go to get away from this shit, places where they give you a bed and a shower and some food and they're nice to you and care how you are. I'm 20, there's nowhere for me to go, not unless my husband tries to throw me down a flight of stairs. I feel the anxiety creeping up on me, making me feel like I can't breathe and making me wish the ceiling would crash down and render me deaf and blind. I don't have medical insurance and I'm a grand in debt, I don't have the money or any way to get my year old Xanax prescription filled or to go to a therapist who can help me straighten my jumbled thoughts.
So once again my escape is work. I'll go in early and smile there because everyone is nice , and then in a few hours I'll feel the dread I associate with coming back home.
It's her fault. She's always chose men over me, always taken their word over mine as if I'd have any reason to make this all up, when he does the same to her.
If she wants to do it to herself, fine. It's her. I'm not letting her do it to me anymore.
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| Starting Over |
[Thursday
December 28th, 2006 at 9:34am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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APC - Orestes |
] |
I just ate an Egg McMuffin. This disgusts me for several reasons....it's from McDonalds, it's not real egg, I shouldn't be eating anything before noon or carbs at all.
I got hungry. I just won't eat lunch today.
World of Warcraft is taking incredibly long to download. Figured I'd try it out since everyone I know is raving about it, and it's work related. I should know about these things.
Speaking of work, it's incredibly boring here today. I should probably be working on payroll, but I have another 2 hours for that.
I have nothing interesting to say, no pictures to post, no rants, no stories. Not right now.
Possibly later.
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